So. Get used to that word. I tend to start a lot of things with it. Even when I talk out loud because I type exactly the way I speak. Anyway (I use this word a lot too), I'm sitting here drinking yesterday's reheated coffee cuz I forgot I used it all yesterday. You'd think at my age and the amount of coffee I drink, I'd learn to buy 2 big cans of coffee every week, not just one.
You know that Ultimate Proposal some of you read about? It's happening. I left hubby be to think about it in his own way. I didn't want to nag him (let's face it, we all nag each other sometimes and we shouldn't) about it even though I was so hyped up that I already was planning colors to paint all the rooms and I didn't yet know if Scot was going to go for it. Somewhere deep down I knew he would. The financial aspects were far greater than any downfall to moving. In fact, it's financial security. If one of my kids needs a new pair of sneakers (which with my 3 sons is like every other week), I can go buy the damn sneakers. I don't have to look at my checking account and think 'do I get gas in my van so I can take my daughter back and forth to color guard practice this week or do I ask her to find rides so I can buy a pair of sneakers for her brother' because I'll be able to get gas AND buy sneakers. I wont stress out, hubby wont stress out and my brother (who lives with us and will move with us) wont stress out about running out of heating oil and having to go without heat and hot water for a couple weeks because we have to pay the rent first or get oil and risk the landlord evicting us because we ask him to hold the check late too often. We're stressed, we're exhausted. We don't want that anymore. Who does?
When Scot and brother go away on road trips for work I'll have my mom right downstairs (it's a plus that she's a nurse) if I need help with the kids. Right now my oldest son (he'll be 11 February 2nd) is very tough. I'm not sure if he's going through puberty or what but he's been getting kind of violent, very mean and nasty too. Even toward hubby and if you knew my hubby you'd wonder why this boy of ours is still alive with his terrible attitude and behaviour lately! But he'll have his own room when we move. He wont have to put up with 2 little brothers making a mess or touching his stuff. He'll have his own little sanctuary to get away from his big, loud family if he wants or needs to. And then there's my 3 year old girl Lillie. You know that whole "terrible two's" thing and "horrible three's", yadda yadda.... Well my older 4 kids didn't get that. They were very great (messy but what kid isn't) toddlers. I laughed at the terrible two's. And then Lillie came along. It started when she was 18 months old. And it gets worse with each passing day, week, month, year. I kind of understand why some people snap and do bad things. I would NEVER, but I kind of understand it.
When you have your 3 year old screaming in your face, telling you NO, hitting, kicking, biting you, you can totally lose your cool! I've had to walk away, go outside and smoke a cigarette while Lillie pounded on the glass door screaming and crying and wanting me to come back in but I wouldn't. Not until I was calm enough to be as patient as possible with her. I never thought I'd say this, but, as a mother, I'm 100% completely at loss as to what to do with this 3 year old of mine most days. I can't spank her. I wont spank her. She would just hit back anyway. Time out chairs don't work; I'd have to strap her to it and sit there to make sure she didn't topple it over on herself. So there's that.
We're going to stick it out in this amazing house we live in for 6 months though. I'm going to miss it more than a crack head needing their next fix. But I have to put my family and our financial crisis first. It wont do my kids any good to be homeless if we can't keep paying to live in this big amazing house. So we have rooms to build, floors to put in, walls to paint before we can make the big move. And that's ok. We can do it all ourselves. We are quite the handy and crafty family. I may need lots of coffee and I'm going to be a total wine whore through the process, until we're officially settled in and secure, but we're going to make it! *giant weight lifted*
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